I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
