Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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