Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
