I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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