so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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