if i died would you start the facebook group?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
