ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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