ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
