I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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