She went from zero to smokin in five shots
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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