Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
