Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
It's rum buckets o'clock
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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