i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
did i just pee glitter
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
