dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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