I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
