Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
