I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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