i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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