I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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