Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
