I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
