So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
