Hey man sorry I got all grabby
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Randomize
