Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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