Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
