Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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