heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
