im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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