His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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