Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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