How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
