I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
