my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
