i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
