my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
