So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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