bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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