Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
