All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
