i just had sex bonerless
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
