So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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