Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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