I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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