then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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