those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
