So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
