3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm always down for nudity.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
