do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
