I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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