had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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