just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
