Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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