The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
