im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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