Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
we should paint friendship bongs
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
