i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
